A Long Distance Life
Recently my husband and I were chatting about some date night fails we have been having and it turned into a super interesting conversation as we explored what can turn a night or a moment into—in all honesty—a dumpster fire.
If I'm being transparent, the outcomes I hope to achieve during a typical date may look like the following:
Experience deep emotional connection
Enjoy a stellar meal
Have enjoyable conversation
Indulge in good wine
Explore that new *slightly infuriating* behavior our toddler has been experimenting with, and
Catch up on finances.
We expect to cover all this in 2 hours and 59 minutes (including travel to and from date location). Obviously, an evening like this doesn’t end as expected, and both my husband and I come out wanting.
Whether it's a date night, a girls night out, or just some intentional “me” time, it is so easy to weigh down these moments with a ton of pressure to meet a wide variety of needs. It was in my conversation with my husband that he pointed out a comparison with long distance relationships and the challenges couples or even friends may face when they attempt to pack in so much connection into small bits of face-to-face time. So, although long distance relationships may be necessary at times for couples and families, it doesn’t mean we should be living a long-distance life.
When I say long-distance life, I mean a life where we spend long stretches of time grinding through the operations of the day to day without coming up for air—or connection.
As Americans, and especially as women, it’s so easy to go through the motions and jump from task to task without checking in on ourselves and our relationships with the world and people around us. Then when we do, it's impossible to feel satisfied because we try to stuff everything into small stretches of time, which to me this is summed up in the American weekend. As someone who has worked 50 - 60 - 70 hour workweeks, it’s crazy to think you can “catch up” on rest, see friends and family, travel, do some hobbies, and exercise in a mere 48 hours.
Hopefully you’ve accepted that a 25th hour in the day isn't happening and understand you have to shake up the way you view the time you already have.
As a coach, my clients and I almost always have a conversation on how we view time, how we currently use our time, and how we want to ideally use our time. Then we focus on how to make the jump between the current state and the future, idealistic state. We work on making this jump by examining the areas in your life where you are already thriving and documenting the things that give you energy and fill you up. When you are doing and feeling your best, what is going on around you? What activity are you doing? What skills or talents are you tapping into? Who is surrounding you? Then—wild thought—do more of that. For me, I literally had to quit my job, but that is a bit extreme. It can show up in smaller ways like meeting a friend at a coffee shop in the middle of the week, actually take your lunch break and read a book or take a walk, or take a midweek date night/girls night that's light or centered around an activity where you can simply participate *cough cough* The Fount April Calendar. Whatever it looks like, the true goal is DISRUPTION. Get out of the endless grind you may be in and surprise yourself with what is available around you. Shake up your day with small things that make you feel more connected to yourself, your community, your life.
Here’s your homework for the next week—
do a 20-minute journaling session to write down some things that make you happy and energized. Then, set some reminders (on your phone, calendar, whatever you use) to do one to three of those things. I’m not asking you to transform your day or throw out your routine, rather just think of tiny disruptions that can breathe some extra life into you.
